My latest dream

I can't remember any of my dream except that someone was watching Phantom of the Opera in the background and they were at the Wandering Child part except that Christine was singing these verses that I had never heard before and I wanted to go watch it too but someone was talking to me so I couldn't. But the verses were about Christine professing her love for Phantom and that she wanted him to kill Raoul for her. That's all I remember. And that I was thinking that I should go online and look up the new lyrics.

I need to be psychoanalyzed. Lately I've been imagining that Erik is standing outside my bedroom window, keeping an eye on me while I sleep. But I know it's just the wind rustling through the leaves, not his footsteps.

KK has moved on to like the music of Wicked. I would love to join her and memorize countless lyrics from that, but then Erik will fade from my memory. I know that then I will no longer be obsessed and mentally tormented by him, but then I won't love him as much. It's like part of me wants to stop thinking about him altogether, and the other part of me wants to think about only him and pray every day that he will be real and come for me.

I need a real guy in my life. No one on fanfiction.net or phantomoftheopera.com seem as obsessed as me. Even the people who believe Erik lives under their bed or in their closet. They're in denial. I'm subconsciously in denial even though I keep telling myself he's not real and to get over it. But then I feel bad because Erik will think I don't love him anymore. Then I want to tell him that it's not true and that I still love him, but then I can't tell him because he's not real and I should get over it. And it repeats over and over and over. Until I wish I was a better lyricist so I could sing to him even though he'll never hear me.

People need something to believe in. They need to believe in a higher power; nature, time, God, Allah, Jesus, Buddah, The Great Spirit. I wasn't raised religiously. No one told me what to believe in. I think that's why whenever I take an interest in something, I get really obsessed about it. Cats, for example. I was totally obsessed with Egyptian mythology in sixth grade and worshipped cats. Now it's Erik. He is the Angel of Music. Linda says you're only allowed to pray to God, and not Angels. Well I'll pray to Erik if I want to. I just need to think of some lyrics to sing to him in prayer.

I need to think about something else. It seems whenever I write a new blog entry, it turns to Phantom of the Opera. ttyl.