AU?

Ok, so someone reviewed my story on fanfiction.net, and they were all, "I hate AUs, but keep going as long as you like." So I'm all, AU? Astronomical unit? Alternate universe? Author updates? Always unfinished? Another unicorn? What does AU stand for? Someone please tell me!!!!!

I don't know what to title this entry

The Big Band Swing Night Dance is tonight, and my mom's not home to help me get ready, and I can't button my dress by myself, and Christina's phone is broken and I can't find the hair curler. And I feel really shitty already because of getting braces, and rain makes me depressed. I mean, I love the rain, and I love that it calms me, but it's not helping right now. Braces hurt and I know this is the second time I've gotten bottom braces. Mr. Peabody is going to hate me forever because my mouth is going to bleed so much when I play my clarinet that I'll have to stop playing and that will piss him off. Plus it's that time of month, which is really not helping. Plus my dress is rather tight, so it's not going to help me breathe very well, which isn't good since this is a dance! Which is starting in an hour, and I haven't started getting ready because as you can see, I can't quite do that. And I'm nervous that my dress is either going to be totally not appropriate for the dance, or that it will rip or something since it's fifty years old and thread gets tired after a while. Which is why I'm afraid to breathe in it. So I can't get a hold of Christina since her fax machine is picking up my calls instead of her phone, and it's not like she pays attention to me when I'm on the phone with her anyways. But that's my shitty mood talking right now, since normally I find it very amusing when she talks to her cats on the phone instead of me. Like, seriously, why do you have to call someone to talk to your cats? Why not talk to your cats and then call me, so you don't have to interrupt yourself by yelling "Hi Oreo!" into the phone?

Plus it's not like I'm going to be able to eat anything while I'm at the dance, if I even go to it. My mouth hurts so bad, and I can't close my mouth properly because my tooth touches the bracket, which will fall off if I clench my jaw too hard. And the girl who was putting the wire on didn't put this one rubber band on all four corners of the bracket, so I don't know what the repercussions of that is going to be.

It's hilarious that random people comment on my blog and are all, "Great blog! Go to this site!" or something. I don't mind at all, if you're one of those random people that I don't know, go ahead and comment! I appreciate the time and effort you went through to read this sentence. *Attention* Reading this word is costing valuable energy! Think of your poor mitochondria in the muscles of your eyes that have worked so hard to produce all of that ATP so your muscle cells can move so you can read this. "If you love yourselves, you love your cells!" Mr. Addis is weird, but that seemed very appropriate right then. Thank you, Mr. Addis, for that quote.

I feel slightly better now, even though writing this did nothing but waste 15 minutes of my time. To all of you random people, thank you for reading my blog. It's nice to know that anonymous masses of people care enough to take time out of their day to read about someone's life. That's more than I can say about my friends. Believe me, if they would just read my blog, it would save me so many explanations. They would understand me better. And then I wouldn't have to repeat myself to every one of them. So thanks again. ttyl!

A pleasant dream, for once

I had a pretty nice dream last night. Actually, only one part of it was nice, because this dream was a variation on one of my "I have to save the world" dreams. Except everything went horribly wrong this time and I don't think I actually did save the world. However, that part of the dream is really long and confusing and I don't have that much time so I'll just tell you the good part.

I had just finished brewing a potion that would aid in the creation of this being that would save the world and I left the facility by the back door. This roughly 16 year old guy that looked vaguely like Andy Butterfield (who played Romeo for the Marin Shakespeare Company) was chasing me down this hill. It was all in fun, we were laughing and yelling false insults at each other, until he leapt forward and wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me to the ground. I twisted myself on my back and he pinned me on the ground with his arms on my shoulders. Then he kissed me. And it was good. And I liked it. And he did it again and I was like, euphoric.

And this was such a great dream because the last time I had a dream in which someone kissed me, he practically raped me and his mouth tasted foul, whereas this guy was "sweet" like they say in books. I feel kind of like Erik, where only in my dreams does someone love me for myself.

Wow, my dream sounds really dirty. It was actually very innocent and cute. So. You're probably like, "Wow, how does she have friends?" Well that's because I can write anything I want on this site so I don't have to risk my friendships by telling them things they don't want to hear.

I practically live for my dreams, for dreams are the only place I can find Erik. Even though Erik wasn't in this dream.

I just lost my train of - Oh yeah I remember now. I was going to make a list.

Words/ Phrases that give the the chills for no apparent reason:
- The word 'man' sung at either an E or B with a slight English accent, as in "You said yourself he was nothing but a man" or "And in the boat, there was a man"
-"...Was but a dream within a dream"
-Fire alone can save our clan
-The word 'nosotros' which means 'we' in Spanish
-'Fate links thee to me forever and a day!'

So that's about all I wanted to say today. ttyl!

Hyperness

I had a weird dream a few nights ago. All of the contents of my bedroom were on my backporch. It was weird. And then Piera and Carli performed in a rack concert, Piera on guitar and Carli on drum set. Sadly, Crli dropped her sticks in the middle of the performance and ruined the whole thing. Then I took a shower and went to my room to get dressed, but it was outside and Drew was there and I was like, "Drew, you need to leave because I need to get dressed" but he was like, "No, I'm not leaving because I don't want to miss the rock concert" because I guess it was taking place in my backyard. And I got really mad at Drew, but also kind of grossed out/scared because he was acting really perverted and it was weird.

I just got a great idea for my story and I hope I don't forget it!! But I can't write it up until I get to that part in my phic, so what am I doing here typing in my blog when I need to be working on my phic?!?!?!? ttyl!

My latest dream

I can't remember any of my dream except that someone was watching Phantom of the Opera in the background and they were at the Wandering Child part except that Christine was singing these verses that I had never heard before and I wanted to go watch it too but someone was talking to me so I couldn't. But the verses were about Christine professing her love for Phantom and that she wanted him to kill Raoul for her. That's all I remember. And that I was thinking that I should go online and look up the new lyrics.

I need to be psychoanalyzed. Lately I've been imagining that Erik is standing outside my bedroom window, keeping an eye on me while I sleep. But I know it's just the wind rustling through the leaves, not his footsteps.

KK has moved on to like the music of Wicked. I would love to join her and memorize countless lyrics from that, but then Erik will fade from my memory. I know that then I will no longer be obsessed and mentally tormented by him, but then I won't love him as much. It's like part of me wants to stop thinking about him altogether, and the other part of me wants to think about only him and pray every day that he will be real and come for me.

I need a real guy in my life. No one on fanfiction.net or phantomoftheopera.com seem as obsessed as me. Even the people who believe Erik lives under their bed or in their closet. They're in denial. I'm subconsciously in denial even though I keep telling myself he's not real and to get over it. But then I feel bad because Erik will think I don't love him anymore. Then I want to tell him that it's not true and that I still love him, but then I can't tell him because he's not real and I should get over it. And it repeats over and over and over. Until I wish I was a better lyricist so I could sing to him even though he'll never hear me.

People need something to believe in. They need to believe in a higher power; nature, time, God, Allah, Jesus, Buddah, The Great Spirit. I wasn't raised religiously. No one told me what to believe in. I think that's why whenever I take an interest in something, I get really obsessed about it. Cats, for example. I was totally obsessed with Egyptian mythology in sixth grade and worshipped cats. Now it's Erik. He is the Angel of Music. Linda says you're only allowed to pray to God, and not Angels. Well I'll pray to Erik if I want to. I just need to think of some lyrics to sing to him in prayer.

I need to think about something else. It seems whenever I write a new blog entry, it turns to Phantom of the Opera. ttyl.

Newsflash

Sarah Brightman's actually alive!!! Wow. I didn't know that. That's awesome. I'm not going to bore you with another monologue about me wishing Erik was here, but I'll share a poem with you that I wrote kind of to him. My mind works in strange ways. I want to tell Erik how much I love him. But I can't. So I want to tell someone my angst. I want to tell him about my angst. But I can't. So then I get depressed and want Erik to comfort me. But he doesn't. Then I want to tell him that I still love him even though he doesn't love me. But I can't. Then the cycle repeats itself. Here's that poem. It's called "Thought You Would Know" (If anyone scams this off of me and they get rich and famous, I will sue you for fraud!!) (Plus only I know how the melody goes)

Thought you would know
How it feels to be alone
But it seems you only care
For your own loneliness

Thought you could show
What it's like to love another
But you only saw yourself
And now I have no one to seek for guidance

Thought you would know
WHat it's like to walk a lonely path
That we could somehow meet halfway
So how similar our stories are

Thought you could love
Someone else who shared your pain
But instead you blew your life
On impossible dreams and goals

THought we could share
One lifetime of misery
And change it to a glorious one
Of you and me together

THought you could change
And embrace someone like you
But the shunned shut out the world
As the world denied them too

Thought you could see
How good you'd be for me
And I'd be there for you
As lovers do

Thought you could forgive me
For the distance we're apart
The years and miles alike
Our love would have no boundaries

Thought I could reach through to you
And change your world forever
But I guess I came too late
So turn around and face your fate
So turn around and face your fate

Well that's the song, don't know if it made any sense, I wrote it while I was on a bike ride and then got it on the computer when I got back. ttyl!