The Best of All Possible Worlds

I chose a song from "Candide" as the title to this entry because it's really ironic. I had a bad day today. I actually got better after lunch, so I guess I just had a bad morning. First, I wake up at 4:00 AM and can't fall back to sleep without dreaming about school. So it was like I was at school for an extra two and a half hours before I got up. Then I sit down to eat breakfast and my dad shoves the New York Times in my face. On the front page is a picture of someone pulling a dead man out of the wreakage caused by the suicide bomber in Tel Aviv. I tell my dad, "I really don't want to see a dead person first thing in the morning, while I'm trying to eat," turn the paper over, and push it away. Then Dad gets really pissed and says, "This is my family." I thought he was referring to the article, not me, until lunch when I told the story to KK and it sounded like he was talking about me, but they way in which he said it I think he was talking about the article. It was more of a protesting statement than a sarcastic one. So then I'm really worried that someone I know was killed in the bombing and that's why he said it, so I felt like crying for the rest of the day. Then I was late for my carpool, and I almost cried in biology because I was afraid someone I knew died, and then we had to change seats in geography and I put up a big fuss because I didn't want to sit in the old wooden desks because they're so high and all my papers fall off of them. And Mr. Ballou wouldn't let me switch the desks, even though there were three of the good desks that no one was sitting in. And he asked me why I was in such a bad mood and I told him he would be too if the first thing he saw in the morning was a picture of a dead person, and of course I got no sympathy from my class. And Joyce sits behind me now so I'm not going to be able to concentrate very well with her talking all the time. And she called me emo for being in a bad mood because of the picture. But I sit next to Julianna, so that will be good I suppose.

Spanish was really boring, nothing new there. Then at break I had to put my clarinet in the band room because it wasn't open before school, and as I was walking away from it to go to my locker, I pass Lily. And Lily asks is she can give me a hug because she was thinking about me last night and she thought I was a really nice person. It took everything I had not to cry because I was so touched by this random act of kindness I really wanted to say something nice back but I couldn't think of anything good enough to tell her. And now that I'm alone in my room I can cry for Lily's loving gesture, which came so appropriately because I was having a bad day. I am so thankful for Lily.

Then it was just little things that built up that made me almost cry again at lunch. I didn't understand the math homework, so I was trying to figure it out, but I couldn't and Marisa didn't get it so she couldn't help me and Mr. Duffy was helping some other people, so I got frustrated. Then Christina got mad at me for not correcting her English essay. I was tempted to remind her that she took four days to correct mine last time, so she shouldn't be upset when it takes more than two periods. Then I went outside and ate lunch with KK, but I was feeling lousy and didn't eat much. I asked her for help on my math homework, and she helped me. I still didn't have it all done, so I took it home and redid it. But it was okay.

Then in band Sueli said they cancelled our lessons with Roy, so that was good and bad but mostly good because I wasn't prepared and I wasn't up to a lesson today. Then I threw a bag of Vegan peanut butter oatmeal cookies at Mr. Peabody, but I don't think he appreciated that. I meant to get them on the podium, but I didn't throw them far enough because I didn't want them to hit Peabody, so they fell on the floor and I felt really stupid. But Laura laughed too, so I guess it was okay. Then at the end of sixth period, there was a cookie missing, but Mr. Michaelson might have eaten it. Peabody didn't say anything. I don't know if he remembered I told him on Monday I had made Vegan peanut butter cookies.

Mr. Michaelson called Mr. Peabody Mark and Alli said sarcastically, "Mark? Who's Mark?" and then Mr. Michaelson said in a really childish voice, "Mr. Peabody." and it was really funny.

Seventh period Laura was mad because she wanted to have sectionals, but Peabody wanted the whole woodwind section together. But it was fun because we all mixed up and I sat in the flute section and it was cool to hear parts that I normally didn't hear as well. P.E. I had fitness testing and that was okay because it was easy and my BMI was the lowest of all the Freshmen taking the test. Ms. Peisch and I both got BMIs of 21, but since neither the scale nor the measurement for height was accurate, it doesn't really matter. But it was encouraging.

I hope tomorrow will be better. No crying tomorrow. I cry a lot. I only update my blog in a bad mood, and writing my blog makes me self-pity, so it just makes things worse. That's why I cry when I write my blog. Or maybe it's PMS. ttyl