ice cream

I can't stand my father. About three weeks ago I went out and bought some ice cream because I wanted ice cream. I sat down with a bowl of it and then Madeleine called so I ate only like two spoonfuls of it and then put it in the freezer for another time. Let me explain to you how ice cream works. I bought a pint of ice cream. That's four servings. There was one in the bowl and three in the container. Two days later we leave on vacation. Two weeks later I come home and eat the ice cream that was in the bowl. One serving. The ice cream had melted and then refrozen and was gross and not enjoyable in the least. One week later I open the ice cream container to have another bowlful. I look in and I see that there's two spoonfuls left. My father ate almost three servings of ice cream in two days. This really pisses me off for a number of reasons. One: I bought that ice cream with my own money. Sure, I'm willing to share, but I expect to eat more than a quarter of it! Two: that my dad consumed so much of it in such a short amount of time. He's so glutenous and such a pig that he had more than one serving of ice cream in one day. Hmm, I wonder why he's fucking obese? He says, "I'm happy to share the ice cream" since when does share mean "pig out on something you didn't buy and leave two spoonfuls left"? And yesterday, I gave him a piece of cake that mom had made. And then he wanted another piece after he'd finished the first! He's such a pig! And then today after lunch I tell him I don't know what to have for dessert because there was the cake and ice cream sandwiches and ice cream (or so I thought). And you know what he said? He fucking said "Have a peach." Oh yeah, I'm sure YOU"D be satisfied with a fucking peach for dessert, Mr. I Want Two Slices Of Cake!

He fucking ate all my ice cream and all I had was barely one serving and it was gross anyway because it had melted and then refrozen and didn't have the same consistency of ice cream anymore. I'd hardly call that sharing. And he didn't even feel guilty about it. He opens the freezer, takes out the ice cream, sees that there's 3/4 left of it, and then eats it all, saving two spoonfuls. How do you not feel guilty about eating that much ice cream? And he knew I bought it with my money and - I hope - he knew that that meant I would fucking want some of it!

I feel like Ryan in Complete Works when he's playing Hamlet and he shouts "And I'm a vegetarian! And you know that!"
i hate him so much i don't know how i'm going to survive the next two years of my life I hate him I hate him I hate him fuck!
i'm not fucking going to knit him a fucking scarf no way i'm never going to spend that much time on him ever i hate him and will never do something that nice for him ever he's the ugliest, fattest, more disgusting person i know and I want to just rip our the scarf I started and throw it in his face and then run away and never ever come back but i know i can't because i don't have a job and mom threw out three eggplants that had been sitting in the fridge for weeks and he never used them I can't believe he'd just waste food and money like that he bought three fucking eggplants and never used them I bet I could plan meals more efficiently than that he's so wasteful and it's mom's money it's mom's money he's wasting because he's retired and only taps in to his ira to pay large bills he's sapping mom's money we're much better off without him we always get along so much better when he's not around how can I possibly love the one source of conflict in my life i hate him i hate him i hate him I'm really sorry, Brahma but I can't ever achieve nirvana or whatever because i can't forgive him and I can't become a nun or whatever because i can't forgive him i refuse to and i refuse to ever try to empathize with him because he's just way too messed up and I wish i were autistic so i wouldn't have to worry about any of this i could just have a few interests and live quietly and contentedly and let my parents take care of everything and be blissfully unaware when they were arguing or anything and just ignore everyone and live quietly and study music theory all day and that would be it and it would be so wonderful i'm not ready for all this responsibility and i don't want to worry about adult problems and i just want to be a little kid again and not have fucking summer homework or so many extracurriculars that i can't know my schedule or i'll stress out because of how busy i am and i really want to blow my nose but i don't want my father to know i've been crying over fucking ive cream because i don't want to give him that satisfaction and he's like the devil kin my life because he represents everything that i am against and I feel that i hold myself to a much higher standard than he in almost everything i do and i have to like resist temptation or something but its not even temptation to do what he wants because that's easy its like temptation to not get really angry at him every time he says something or does something dumb but this instance is one of the few times i've allowed myself to get outwardly angry normally i just hold it in and not say anything but i really went for it and pissed him off on purpose and i feel totally justified and i'm not guilty at whatever he feels i just wish i had some plumbing in my room so i could stay walled up in here forever and never leave my room and risk seeing him that's why i couldn't do any of my chores today because when i had the time to he was in the kitchen and i couldn't stand the possibility of him trying to talk to me or anything so i stayed in my room all day and didn't do any chores and now i feel bad because i should do my chores so mom doesn't get mad at me and i need the money because i don't have a job anymore and i really need to do my summer homework i can't believe natasha did all of hers already but then again she wasn't as busy as me and she said she had a lot of free time so i guess she didn't get out much but really that's like bragging and the only reason why she brought up homework was to brag that she'd finished which i admit is quite an accomplishment but please try to be modest about it

and i bet mom is mad at me too because she hasn't knocked on my door to talk to me yet

this is all my fault because i already had cake today and i wanted ice cream too which is very glutenous of me and quite hypocritical and i'm really sorry and regret it because if i had waited until my father had actually eaten all the ice cream, i could feel much more justified about being publicly upset with him and really tell him off for his definition for sharing and two spoonfuls is hardly enough for mom and i to share, but of course if we distributed the portions by weight then i'm sure his getting two and a half servings would be quite fair.

i really wish i could just boycott absolutely everything that he's done for me but i don't have the money to buy my own groceries and he bought my car and my bike so i am fucked if I can't depend on him just a little bit which really sucks because i like have to be grateful to him even though i hate him so much

fuck everything
ttyl