Well, I just got braces again for the second time. Fun fun, I know. Luckily, they are the low profile small brackets like Regan's, so they aren't as annoying. Plus, now I know what to look for if my braces are broken or something. I miss my retainer. With my retainer, my bite is actually pretty good. Without it, my teeth touch in one spot, my left back molars.
I beat minesweeper the other day. That game is addicting.
My cousin Meaghan's at my house, she's staying for a week and then we're all flying down to Balboa Island for vacation. My mom's other family will meet us down there, as usual. We leave on Saturday. I hope my braces pain will be past the worst part before vacation.
We went shopping yesterday at the Santa Rosa mall. I bought like five shirts. Most of them are green. I'm sensing a new shirt trend coming on. At least, for me. No one else is going to go out and buy green shirts. Except my sister, because all the shirts she buys nowadays are either green, say California on them, or track and field. Green for Dartmouth.
I finally finished the frickin' epilogue of Black Like Me. I suggest you read it the epilogue too, just because there are good quotes in it to show the difference class makes in defining one's destiny. That's all for now, ttyl!
Thursday, July 28
Monday, July 25
Back from Caz
I got back from Caz on Saturday. I have missed writing in my blog terribly, because now I forget all the stuff i was going to complain about. When I got to Caz, I thought I was lucky because a lot of the girls that were in my cabin last year were in my cabin again. But then I realized they were all preps and boy-crazy and I didn't like them and they never acknowledged my prescence, save for twice. The first time was when I was reading "Black Like Me" One of the girls said, "Emily, you're not black." and I said "Yeah I know." Then one of them said, "Then why are you reading 'Black Like Me?'" I told them it was because the author darkened his skin to see what it was like to be a black man. The second time was when I was reading "Black like Me" and a guy Mark, who all the girls were swooning over, saw me reading at the table next to him and all the girls. He said the same thing as the other girl who asked me about my book. One of the girls acknowledged my existence by yelling, "Why does everyone ask her that?" I muttered to myself, "You should talk; you did too." But she didn't hear me of course, because then they were too wrapped up in chatting about somehting else.
So as you can see, I was an outcast in my cabin. I am not boy-crazy, but there was one guy who was extremely hot, I'll see if I can put his pic up later, and he was the same guy I liked last year. But it's really nothing, there are other guys that are hot too, my age, and nice to me, so I don't know why I even like him, besides the fact that his hair is the most beautiful thing in the world. So I was the night after the first concert and everyone was at the dance, save for me and some other loser guys. The dance ended, and I got in bed twenty minutes before Taps played. I pulled my sleeping bag over my head and cried. It's really lame, I know. I cried for jealousy because Danny was dacnign with someone else (duh, I wasn't even at the dance, and he's a counselor anyway), because no one in my cabin liked me, I missed my family, I wanted to go home, and because there was no way to make amends with the girls in my cabin. I couldn't tell my counselors because then they would tell the girls and they'd be falsely nice to me, and none of them even noticed me shaking in my sleeping bag as sobs silently racked my body, and they all had guys to think about and like and I had nothing. That the was first night I cried myself to sleep. The second one was for the same reasons except that I didn't cry for Danny because I didn't even like him romantically, I just wanted to be able to talk to him and be friends with him and stare at him and his hair. But he didn't like me at all, he just thought I was annoying, like everyone else at Caz.
Then it was Camper Ensemble Night, the last night of Caz. We went to the Shell, which is the amphitheatre, and sat down. I was asked to scoot down more. I gladly did this because I didn't want to sit near the preps anyway. Plus I could see now if any of the girls in my cabin would willingly sit by me, instead of just because there's no other space. To my luck, one girl sat with me, Franzi. She plays cello and is very funny. She's going out with Gabe. Yeah, I know, big shock. But they make a very cute couple. She said she liked me and thought I was funny and cool. I wanted to cry then and there because there was actually someone in my cabin who didn't think ill of me. That night the was third and final time I cried myself to sleep.
Now don't go thinking I was a shy nobody who didn't talk to anyone, waiting for everyone to talk to me first, before I talked to them. I did talk to a lot of people. I tried to make friends with the not-so-preppy-people in my cabin, who weren't all friends from school and had requested to be in the same cabin together. But they too found me annoying and too touchy-feely. Madeleine, I now know there are people worse than you. In that sense of needing personal space. I miss you Smads!!! At least I know that with you, our friendship, however feeble it becomes, won't die because I poked you one too many times, or jumped on your shoulder as I ran past you.
I mean, there were people I could talk to, but only Franzi was kind enough to say that I was her friend. There people I am grateful to have met, even if it isn't mutual with them, and even though it might not have seemed like it at the time. Billie Rae seemed like the innocent kind of person who can have fun sharing jokes and not having to think about things the stereotypical teenager thinks about (boys and all that stuff). She's very funny and I hope we stay in touch because her personality is infectious and she's a joy to be around. Sofia and Lea were great partners in our trio and we had a lot of fun. Elizabeth, I thought was going to be a party animal, except she liked Phantom of the Opera, but she had the personal space issue too, so I couldn't be my hyper self around her. My hyper self only made an appearance when Sarah showed up, who was Gabby's friend, who was one of my counselors. Sarah was hilarious, if I go to Caz next summer, I'm requesting to be in her cabin. Many a mealtime she sat with us and annoyed Gabby. Good times :) And, of course, there's everyone in Emily Lawyer's cabin who I sat with and chatted with and stuff. I knew a lot of them from years past and from clarinet class and stuff like that.
Well, I'm done talking about the social aspect of Caz. ttyl!
So as you can see, I was an outcast in my cabin. I am not boy-crazy, but there was one guy who was extremely hot, I'll see if I can put his pic up later, and he was the same guy I liked last year. But it's really nothing, there are other guys that are hot too, my age, and nice to me, so I don't know why I even like him, besides the fact that his hair is the most beautiful thing in the world. So I was the night after the first concert and everyone was at the dance, save for me and some other loser guys. The dance ended, and I got in bed twenty minutes before Taps played. I pulled my sleeping bag over my head and cried. It's really lame, I know. I cried for jealousy because Danny was dacnign with someone else (duh, I wasn't even at the dance, and he's a counselor anyway), because no one in my cabin liked me, I missed my family, I wanted to go home, and because there was no way to make amends with the girls in my cabin. I couldn't tell my counselors because then they would tell the girls and they'd be falsely nice to me, and none of them even noticed me shaking in my sleeping bag as sobs silently racked my body, and they all had guys to think about and like and I had nothing. That the was first night I cried myself to sleep. The second one was for the same reasons except that I didn't cry for Danny because I didn't even like him romantically, I just wanted to be able to talk to him and be friends with him and stare at him and his hair. But he didn't like me at all, he just thought I was annoying, like everyone else at Caz.
Then it was Camper Ensemble Night, the last night of Caz. We went to the Shell, which is the amphitheatre, and sat down. I was asked to scoot down more. I gladly did this because I didn't want to sit near the preps anyway. Plus I could see now if any of the girls in my cabin would willingly sit by me, instead of just because there's no other space. To my luck, one girl sat with me, Franzi. She plays cello and is very funny. She's going out with Gabe. Yeah, I know, big shock. But they make a very cute couple. She said she liked me and thought I was funny and cool. I wanted to cry then and there because there was actually someone in my cabin who didn't think ill of me. That night the was third and final time I cried myself to sleep.
Now don't go thinking I was a shy nobody who didn't talk to anyone, waiting for everyone to talk to me first, before I talked to them. I did talk to a lot of people. I tried to make friends with the not-so-preppy-people in my cabin, who weren't all friends from school and had requested to be in the same cabin together. But they too found me annoying and too touchy-feely. Madeleine, I now know there are people worse than you. In that sense of needing personal space. I miss you Smads!!! At least I know that with you, our friendship, however feeble it becomes, won't die because I poked you one too many times, or jumped on your shoulder as I ran past you.
I mean, there were people I could talk to, but only Franzi was kind enough to say that I was her friend. There people I am grateful to have met, even if it isn't mutual with them, and even though it might not have seemed like it at the time. Billie Rae seemed like the innocent kind of person who can have fun sharing jokes and not having to think about things the stereotypical teenager thinks about (boys and all that stuff). She's very funny and I hope we stay in touch because her personality is infectious and she's a joy to be around. Sofia and Lea were great partners in our trio and we had a lot of fun. Elizabeth, I thought was going to be a party animal, except she liked Phantom of the Opera, but she had the personal space issue too, so I couldn't be my hyper self around her. My hyper self only made an appearance when Sarah showed up, who was Gabby's friend, who was one of my counselors. Sarah was hilarious, if I go to Caz next summer, I'm requesting to be in her cabin. Many a mealtime she sat with us and annoyed Gabby. Good times :) And, of course, there's everyone in Emily Lawyer's cabin who I sat with and chatted with and stuff. I knew a lot of them from years past and from clarinet class and stuff like that.
Well, I'm done talking about the social aspect of Caz. ttyl!
Friday, July 8
Kitty shrine update
I must have at least 400 kitties on my wall. Now it's walls. I expanded to another wall. I still have four pictures to put up, but I ran out of pushpins. I think. Lemme check... Yay! I still have some purple pushpins!! Hang on a sec while I put them up...
Ok now I have lots of kitties.... *evil smirk* I haven't visited the cats up the street today. My sister and I are going shopping after dinner because I need black shoes and khaki capris for Caz. I have khaki pants, but I they're formal pants and I don't want to bring them if I'm only going to wear them on concert days. I have six chapters left of Great Expectations, I hope I'll finish in time. This has been a pretty boring post, sorry for wasting your time. ttyl!
Ok now I have lots of kitties.... *evil smirk* I haven't visited the cats up the street today. My sister and I are going shopping after dinner because I need black shoes and khaki capris for Caz. I have khaki pants, but I they're formal pants and I don't want to bring them if I'm only going to wear them on concert days. I have six chapters left of Great Expectations, I hope I'll finish in time. This has been a pretty boring post, sorry for wasting your time. ttyl!
Thursday, July 7
Why?
I have so much to type and it's been very difficult to get on the computer since my parents think they have priority over me. My mom, Wendy, and I were driving down my street when I saw a cat cross the road. It looked a lot like Amber and I was scared that it was her so my mom pulled over and Wendy and I got out to investigate. It wasn't Amber because "Amber's Brother" as we shall call him, had a white-tipped tail and no orange splotch on his forehead. Amber's brother went to hide in some blackberry bushes. We left out bowls of food and water for him.
Then tonight, after karate, I went up to see if he had eaten the food. I saw two pairs of eyes sticking out of the brush. An orange kitten, 5 weeks to 5 months old, and a dark cat that might have been Amber's Brother, but I'm not sure. The food dish was empty so I went back to refill it. It was full of ants so I just used another bowl entirely.
When I got back, I saw two orange kittens playing outside their den with each other. I don't know why, but I started crying. I'm holding back tears now just thinking about them. Maybe it was because they needed a home to play in, not the open space between two houses. Maybe it was because of my own selfish wanting of a cat. Maybe because they were so adorable and they were coping with their depressing situation and having fun even when they could have so much more. They're so innocent and so unfortunate! They don't deserve to live in such poverty! Why? Why can't they be loved and cared for properly?
Then some people walked by and I felt like an idiot, standing in the middle of the open space with a water bottle and a white paper bowl full of cat food with tears rolling down my face. I approached the nest. I knew I would scare them inside. Not even the adventurous orange kitten who was always the one attacking the other and so much like Oreo would come out to see me. I didn't think they would anyway. I was nervous because I didn't know if my crying sent out a fear scent or a happy scent, because I was happy. Kind of. I certainly wasn't depressed or anything.
So I bent down and saw three pairs of eyes, the two orange kittens, and the dark cat that might be Amber's brother. I set the food bowl down and refilled the water bowl and kept staring Oreo's mini-me in the face, when I remembered this one show where it said that cats feel awkward when you stare at them, and less threatened if you don't look at them directly. So I sat down, with my back to the food and facing sort of away from the kittens. Then I started to hear rustling in the bushes behind me. I was afraid that a cat might attack me and claw my back, so I twisted around and stayed like that for a while. I saw the eyes, and it was a cat (duh) but I couldn't tell which one since they were in shadow. I also saw Oreo's mini-me's eyes, so it wasn't him.
None of the cats came out, and the mosquitoes were annoying me so I muttered some kind words they didn't understand and got up. I wanted to show Oreo's mini-me that the food was okay so I put a piece in front of where he was before he retreated furthur into the brush when I approached with a morsel of food. I laid it down and left.
So there are at least 3 cats living in the blackberry bush at the top of my street.
Other news includes: I got a pedometer like Kati's for my bike, so my bike updates will stop being posted, as my bike will keep track of them. My parents go to Starbucks, and they leave out used coffee grinds for people to take and use as compost in their garden, and I was carrying one in and the bag wasn't tied properly and I spilled some down my shirt. I hope it doesn't stain my bra. Wendy came over and we went hiking on Mt. Burdell and we found an even better climbing tree than the tree where I was going to have my birthday party. It's up past the cow gate at the top of the housing development, and when you get to the fork, go across the bridge, and then it's six or seven switchbacks up past the birthday tree to the top, and then take a left off the trail. I bought a catnip plant at Target a few days ago. I haven't anything else to say. ttyl!
Then tonight, after karate, I went up to see if he had eaten the food. I saw two pairs of eyes sticking out of the brush. An orange kitten, 5 weeks to 5 months old, and a dark cat that might have been Amber's Brother, but I'm not sure. The food dish was empty so I went back to refill it. It was full of ants so I just used another bowl entirely.
When I got back, I saw two orange kittens playing outside their den with each other. I don't know why, but I started crying. I'm holding back tears now just thinking about them. Maybe it was because they needed a home to play in, not the open space between two houses. Maybe it was because of my own selfish wanting of a cat. Maybe because they were so adorable and they were coping with their depressing situation and having fun even when they could have so much more. They're so innocent and so unfortunate! They don't deserve to live in such poverty! Why? Why can't they be loved and cared for properly?
Then some people walked by and I felt like an idiot, standing in the middle of the open space with a water bottle and a white paper bowl full of cat food with tears rolling down my face. I approached the nest. I knew I would scare them inside. Not even the adventurous orange kitten who was always the one attacking the other and so much like Oreo would come out to see me. I didn't think they would anyway. I was nervous because I didn't know if my crying sent out a fear scent or a happy scent, because I was happy. Kind of. I certainly wasn't depressed or anything.
So I bent down and saw three pairs of eyes, the two orange kittens, and the dark cat that might be Amber's brother. I set the food bowl down and refilled the water bowl and kept staring Oreo's mini-me in the face, when I remembered this one show where it said that cats feel awkward when you stare at them, and less threatened if you don't look at them directly. So I sat down, with my back to the food and facing sort of away from the kittens. Then I started to hear rustling in the bushes behind me. I was afraid that a cat might attack me and claw my back, so I twisted around and stayed like that for a while. I saw the eyes, and it was a cat (duh) but I couldn't tell which one since they were in shadow. I also saw Oreo's mini-me's eyes, so it wasn't him.
None of the cats came out, and the mosquitoes were annoying me so I muttered some kind words they didn't understand and got up. I wanted to show Oreo's mini-me that the food was okay so I put a piece in front of where he was before he retreated furthur into the brush when I approached with a morsel of food. I laid it down and left.
So there are at least 3 cats living in the blackberry bush at the top of my street.
Other news includes: I got a pedometer like Kati's for my bike, so my bike updates will stop being posted, as my bike will keep track of them. My parents go to Starbucks, and they leave out used coffee grinds for people to take and use as compost in their garden, and I was carrying one in and the bag wasn't tied properly and I spilled some down my shirt. I hope it doesn't stain my bra. Wendy came over and we went hiking on Mt. Burdell and we found an even better climbing tree than the tree where I was going to have my birthday party. It's up past the cow gate at the top of the housing development, and when you get to the fork, go across the bridge, and then it's six or seven switchbacks up past the birthday tree to the top, and then take a left off the trail. I bought a catnip plant at Target a few days ago. I haven't anything else to say. ttyl!
Wednesday, July 6
Some words
I had a dream last night and it was really confusing. The first thing I can remember is we were in Ms. Kasun's class, and I was finishing my math homework, and she was giving us an assignment to do. The assignment was to list the 10 things we care most about. Then Ms. Kasun became Ms. McDougall. I don't know what I was doing, but I wasn't doing the assignment. Finally I did, and the only piece of paper left was in the sink. It was a very awkward position to write, but I managed. For some reason, Ms. McDougall was holding my other arm and my torso while I was writing. I don't know why, I wasn't sick or anything. And she couldn't have been trying to keep me there, because I left the sink and came back many times. Each time I came back, someone had like, built stuff on my paper, and they built the wrong thing since my handwriting was so bad. I wrote "Houdini" and they thought it said "Hero", so they built a miniature skyscraper and some city or something. Miniature like an inch and a half high. So I was getting very frustrated, because since there was stuff like that on my paper, I couldn't erase it and change it. Then it became this really weird dream, which part of it was before this school segment, and some of it was in between the gaps in my memory, but I can't really remember it. We all had special powers, and I think I could fly, but I'm not sure. We had to wear gloves and mine were blue. There were four different powers you could have. And then there was this battle going on, and I was chosen out of a few to represent our people and go in a hovercraft thing and fight. It was a very random dream. We pulled out of the battle, and I'm not sure who won.
The list I was trying to write was really confusing.
1. God
2. Houdini
3. Some movie character, since Ms. McD said we couldn't put book characters
4. Me
5. Another movie character
6. My mom
7. Amber
8. Fireheart (which is kind of the same as Dini)
9. Another movie character
10. Mendocino
I can't really remember the list, and this is totally not true about myself, so I don't know why I put this stuff down in my dream. I went hiking with my dad yesterday, about 3 miles. Does that count in my bike update? I have to go to Wendy's party. ttyl!
The list I was trying to write was really confusing.
1. God
2. Houdini
3. Some movie character, since Ms. McD said we couldn't put book characters
4. Me
5. Another movie character
6. My mom
7. Amber
8. Fireheart (which is kind of the same as Dini)
9. Another movie character
10. Mendocino
I can't really remember the list, and this is totally not true about myself, so I don't know why I put this stuff down in my dream. I went hiking with my dad yesterday, about 3 miles. Does that count in my bike update? I have to go to Wendy's party. ttyl!
Monday, July 4
Typing
I'm typing stuff. Bike update is about 44 miles. I biked 12 miles with my mom the other day. She said she would buy me an odometer or something that counts how many miles you've gone so you don't have to trace where you've gone on a map and then calculate the mileage from that. I spent the day at Stina's and it was really fun. It turns out Greg doesn't have a dog, he was just dog-sitting. I'm tired. My dad wants to do some father-daughter bonding because he's weird so I have to go. ttyl!
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